Archive for the ‘Self-Acceptance’ Category

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An early graduation present!

December 19, 2010

So in the midst of all the craziness of our lives… my husband was invited to San Francisco to give a talk. I was so worried it would interfere with my graduation… but everyone was accommodating. Thank you!

You see the last time I “walked” for one of my degrees was 1976!

I now have a BS, MS, MA and EdS and it is for this degree that I was willing to participate in a public ritual – not of my design!

And it was wonderful! Both the trip before and the experience of being hooded for this accomplishment.

Feeling so very grateful as we wax towards the winter solstice!

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Commencement!

December 18, 2010

Have I told you lately that I am content!?!?!?!? Ecstatic even????

Oh my goodness what a ride this last nearly four years has been… and now after having been caught in the undertow, the spin cycle, and the roller coaster – I am being catapulted out the other side…and I am here to tell you with absolute certainty and joy that it was worth every moment of suffering and difficulty and ecstasy and joy!

 

Have I mentioned lately how ab*soul*utley enchanted I am?

Well… I am!

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The Holy Days are upon us…

November 27, 2010

and I have been insanely content! Everything seems to be unfolding effortlessly without much effort on my part… without me needing to control and contrive and consult and confound. Effortlessly…. without effort.

The last time I felt this way was April, 2007. Not that there haven’t been times of contentment in the intervening years, but it has been a journey through the towers of ivory and hasn’t always been obvious what the lessons are and which teachers to let in and which teachers to discern out.

And now, advent is coming and in the midst of the holy days, I am going to don my purple robe and claim my hood of humility.

I am over the moon happy!

And you? Where are you in the life cycle as the days lengthen here in the northern hemisphere?

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Trancework

April 21, 2010

I am taking a class in Clinical Hypnosis. I took Level I last summer and this spring I am in Level II. I am finding it a wonderful addition to my toolbox. At first, I was using just the guided imagery / progressive relaxation aspect of it with people – and they loved it.

I find it heartening that people are able to go into the wellspring of the imaginal world so easily and find peace, respite, healing and wholing inside themselves.

I have done this work myself through Deep Imagery, through Active Imagination, Dream Work, Inner Work, Visual Arts, Mandala, and more but this is a new step for me to bring it into my work with others and I am finding it exciting.

My guide in this work has been asking me to step up my work from using the skills I come by naturally, to working with specific scripts for anxiety reduction, ego strengthening, etc. I am just starting to shift in this way, and the results have been astonishing.

I am so grateful to have wise guides as I apprentice to this work.

Where in your life do you have a wise guide who recognized and nurtures your potential?

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Bowing down

June 3, 2009

So I have been struggling with bowing down to an entity that needs me to humble myself… and it isn’t easy… and yet – I would do this in a heartbeat…

Would you?

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I wrote the check

April 26, 2009

Paraphrasing Jung – The greatest determinant in the life of a child is the unlived potential of the parent.

My husband launched from high school in the sixties – when women had to wear skirts to class! and all freshmen wore beanies! I launched from high school in the seventies – when women believed they could do everything – become a CEO and have the house with the white picket fence – and men were breaking out of the IBM mode of dutiful husband and father.

My husband dutifully went off to college, followed the rules, earned a BS, an MS and then a Ph.D. I rebelled, graduated from HS early, moved out and eventually found myself back in higher education earning a BS and an MS and now am back for an Ed.S. So – even though we are of different generations – education is important to us as parents!

When our son was little – I imagined that he might want to take a year off after high school and decompress and forget everything they had stuffed into him (my need obviously not his!). As he began to differentiate as a teenager – I realized that he had some gifts and skills that differed from and exceeded mine and his needs were different than mine. I had a paradoxical mixture of pride! and panic!

And now – he is about to launch! It was a tough decision – several tempting offers and with each campus visit he was seduced and fell in love. In the end, he chose a school that is smaller, less flashy, filled with kids who are not easily defined as leaders or followers – filled with kids who are not easily defined!

He chose a school with a liberal arts focus – a place where he could take Music Theory to satisfy a math requirement and Acting to satisfy a public speaking requirement. My hope is that it will be a good fit for the next four years.

And now – there is the grieving that takes place for the roads not chosen… the what ifs… and it would have been that way no matter what school he chose.

I am so proud of him! This wasn’t an easy process. I struggled to not be overinvested – while knowing that my expertise in higher education could be useful to him! My husband struggled because he knew which school  he wanted him to go to and wasn’t all that subtle about it at times. And our son struggled because he is on the cusp – he is about to leap into the unknown. There are lots of exciting things to come – and also some uncertainty, doubt, fear, and dread. I wouldn’t change places with him for anything!

And I am so proud I am popping my buttons!

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Fermentation and Retardation

April 11, 2009

I am at a place in my training program where the end of classes is in sight… I can see it in the not so distant future – and perhaps that is part of the expansiveness I am feeling right now. Once the coursework is over – the apprenticing begins and with that apprentice stage – there is also room for the creation of my own unique style. The last two years have paid off – and it has been a long  journey. This last round has been particularly intense – and I have not been able to savor the experience.

I have sourdough fermenting in the first rise right now – and I have been thinking about how I never use commercial yeast anymore (well I do for orange rolls and sticky buns! – but not for bread). There is a slowness, an unpredictability to the way my own wild yeast interacts with me, my kitchen environment, the warmth or coolness of my hands as I knead it. I have some control over the growth experience – with temperature mostly – I can accelerate or retard – but there is an element that is completely up to the mood of the yeast – and I have to learn to listen and speak its language.

I am enjoying the long, steady rain last night that watered in my plants. I am enjoying the flour under my fingernails. I am enjoying the slow, deep breathing of teenagers lost in dream time. Today is a good day to be emerging from the winter.