The search continues

April 22, 2010

I know there is no perfect placement site for this next step in my journey. I know this – I really do! And yet, it seems like I am Goldilocks – too hard, too soft and haven’t found just right.

I get all excited about a site – and then they have no space! Or I get all excited about a site, and they turn me down! Or I get all excited about a site, but the work they presented in the initial interview morphs into something that I fear would be stultifying and or/soul sucking when it comes time to sign on the bottom line.

I am feeding my intuition – little bits of this and that – cuttings of fresh herbs from the garden, tender shoots of the earliest asparagus, lightly steamed kale, and even chocolate! Feeding, tending, listening to the whisper and waiting so PaTIenTlY.

See how paTIenT I am? And yet I know – a site will come – and I will know it is the right fit… and if it isn’t – we only have to learn together for nine hundred hours. And in that time, I will find a way to hone this art.

How is it for you when you are in these betwixt and between times? How do you maintain faith and trust the process and let things unfold without too much fussing?


  1. I am not a very patient person by nature so whenever I’m in a transitional stage comparable to what you’re describing I general find things *to do* that help me understand the nature(s) of my resistance or apprehension. Most pragmatically it’s always helpful to ground in the garden or walking in nature. I also like to simply SIT (or lie) on the ground and experienced the sensation of “doing nothing” while life in the natural kingdoms goes on humming and whirring around me. Often this type of organic meditation yields ideas of how I might usefully apply the same principle to living with uncertainty and fluctuation in a more graceful state of co-creation.

    Typically this general process always involves more intensive time with my written journal; I like to elucidate everything that stands in the way of patience or authentic trust for larger life flow. This is really helpful for me because the writing gets into the mechanics of my actions and thought patterns rather than just running tape loops with my mind/mouth.

    It’s also very helpful to work with my hands as that inherently involves the heart as well as seeing/feeling coordination of eye and hand. Many of my collage and stitching projects evolve from a problem I’m trying to solve or a point of personality I want to illuminate. This means the work is slow and process rather than product oriented – that in turn helps me organically grok the nature of “everything happening in its own season.”

    Frequently the creative/process work is interrupted by a resolution of the original issue I was working to understand at a deeper level. Thus the (eventual) completion of the work adds a satisfying layer of articulating the resolution and its impact. Reviewing these projects – the physical act of holding and touching them – becomes immeasureably helpful the next time I find myself at an inbetween stage.

    note: What I learned from writing this response is that it isn’t always the between phases that cause me the most problematic forms of growth potential. It’s frequently more about the eleventh hour snafus and jack-knives from an original presumption. Am going through that right now and it’s very challenging. I don’t think I “deal with it” so much as I put myself in a protective caul of non-engagement; spending a lot of time actively envisioning the “soup” stage between caterpillar and butterfly …

  2. Acey – I spent the morning in the greenhouse – transplanting seedlings to larger pots – then worked my compost pile – sifting through a years worth of kitchen waste, newspapers and leaves – spreading the gold into some of the garden beds. It feels great to have my hands in the soil and my mind focused only on the work in front of me in this moment.

    Loved this comment:
    “a protective caul of non-engagement”

    I carried that image with me today and will remember it if I get to thrashing in indecision again!

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