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Glass Houses

March 28, 2008

Since I gave up my online commitments, I have substantially more free time. I am spending more time in the garden, in the kitchen, in silent contemplation, reading (sometimes several hundred pages a day in several different books) and I am taking my night dream work into the day as a regular practice.

Right before I was accepted for admission to THE INSTITUTION, I had a series of nightmares – I assumed they were about my anxieties around the process and anticipation of the interview process. Yet the nightmares continued for weeks after I received the warm and welcoming phone call that said “we want you – do you want us?” I didn’t write down the nightmares – but I did let them shake me up and perturb me. I didn’t see anything repetitive, other than a keen sense of fear upon wakening.

I am once again re-reading “Where people fly and water runs uphill.” My paperback copy is beginning to really show the wear and tear! And have been thinking about the work of the Four Winds Society – dreaming the world into existence, shamanism, and lucid dreaming. Without making a conscious decision – I began to become lucid in the middle of my nightmares – and then to interact with the themes of the nightmares – asking what it is I need to know about this, or what part of my day self is unaware of my dream self. Soon after, the nightmares abated.

Last night I had another house dream. House dreams have always been important predictors of upcoming shifts and evolutions in my individuation process so I get excited about them!

In my dream, I am in a room that is filled with small children and their mothers. The children are playing and sleeping and the mothers are chatting and visiting. The only work that is being done is that of being present in relationship. There are four beds in this room – two single beds and two double beds. Toddlers are napping on some of the beds and mothers are breastfeeding their babies on other beds. There are several different areas devoted to art and play and reading. It reminded me of the pre-school my son attended – but this wasn’t a teacher student environment – it was all about mothering  and attachment.

I leave this room and go into the main part of the house. I am struck by the contrast. The rest of the house is elegant and adult and beautifully designed with floor to ceiling windows instead of walls. There is a living room with wide planked floors shining in a soft warm light. A grand piano is in that room along with several couches and chairs and reading nooks. There is a dining room with a large table – it probably could seat 12 easily – and that room also has an earthy, woody feel. The kitchen is spacious with a small breakfast nook. The breakfast nook has a small formica table and looks well used. It is more in line with the children’s room than with the rest of the house.

As I am standing in the kitchen, looking out the windows, a woman comes to greet me. I ask her if this is her house and she says yes and begins to tell me about the architecture and the building of the house and the view. The house sits on a knoll – similar to the way that Skamania sits on a bluff above the Columbia  River Gorge. Across from the house, high on the hill is a beautiful cathedral of ancient design. She tells me that the sound from the cathedral fills the house and it is lovely.

The woman is a little older than I and has long dark hair. She is warm, kind, maternal, and generative. She asks me to come closer to the window. I am afraid and tell her I don’t like heights. She walks over to the window – and looks out. As she does, I realize that the view is like that from a sky scraper and since the windows come to the floor, it looks like there is nothing separating her from stepping out into space. I go over to the window and look out and can see down, and across, as if there is no separation between me and the rest of the world.

End of dream

Lots of things come up for me about this dream – the beauty of the interior of the house (the Self), the kindness of my woman guide (and her dark hair reminds me of my feminine shadow), the remedial work of mothering and attachment that is going on in the midst of this fully adult life, and the view from the top. I often have dreams of living in houses with no walls around the time I am working with letting go of primitive ego defenses. It feels like this dream is an affirmation of the work I have been doing.

What messages of hope and wholing and healing are your night dreams bringing you? How are you dreaming the world into existence?

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