March 26, 2008

Tuesdays are my long day… not nearly as long a day as when I worked full-time – but long in the sense that they are full from dawn to dusk and then some.

I began the morning with Salmon boy – who immediately noticed “news of a difference.” We talked about our experiences at the Psychotherapy Networker Conference and compared notes on how we maintain our equanimity in the encounter with close to four thousand like minded souls and as we were talking and processing – he looked at me and said – “you’ve changed.” I knew immediately what he was referring to – but asked him to name it for me. I am “she who names things” and I truly enjoy asking him to take on that role. He named me “happy” and “bubbly.”

I met Salmon boy in the dark days after the death of my father. We have done some intense depth work and lots of shadow work. My time with him has been very serious. Each winter, I go into the underworld and muck around and emerge in the spring filled with vigor – but this spring is different. I feel I am back to myself – the self that was relatively happy – before I started all this delving into my depths. I think I am due for a long holiday in the topside world and it feels glorious!

I have had a couple of intense dreams of my head being pierced, my skull drilled into, and other similar images. I kept thinking they had something to do with thinking too much, being too much in my head, blah, blah blah… None of that resonated with me though – and then I realized as we talked about feeling happy and bubbly and effervescent I realized that I felt like a bottle of champagne! pop! I have been uncorked. The cork of me has been removed allowing my essence to bubble up and spontaneously pop out into the world.

I have been laughing a lot recently. Lucy Good Dog has a habit of turning onto her back and kicking her feet into the air – I have been joining her in this ritual expression of joyfulness. I have had random encounters on the street, in the grocery store, at the dentist’s office, and in unexpected places where I strike up a conversation and before I know it – we are both laughing with tears streaming down our faces. There is a poignant appreciation for my imperfections that is new to me and it is liberating. I am uncorked and flowing.

After my session, I headed over to THE INSTITUTION and picked up my gifts from interlibrary loan. Who said there is no free lunch? My favorite perk about being affiliated with a university is carte blanche access to anything in the Worldcat library delivered to me on demand. Now I just wish they had something like a netflix queue so that I didn’t get overwhelmed. I find it hard to self-regulate the flow at times.

After my class, I had a lovely visit with a classmate and then home for a quick snack and then off to the mediation center. After a hiatus of a few years, I have returned to the center. When I mediated regularly, my interests and certification were in J&DR – Juvenile and Domestic Relations – mostly “custody” issues and separation agreements.  My first foray back into the field was a circuit court case – yikes! Fortunately my co-mediator and I complement each other and work seamlessly together. It feels great to be back in the groove with that again.

Then – as if the day were not packed enough – I slipped next door to a women’s night of birth art. All the folksy, midwifery people were there – and so many beautiful mothers and babies! I rarely see so many well adjusted, securely attached, thoroughly loved and empathically attuned babies in a single place. It was a joyful experience and a chance to connect with ladies who I don’t see that often.

Yesterday was one huge YES! to my place in the world and the world responded in kind.

Where are you saying YES! in your life?


  1. I was really struck by this sentence, Julie: “I find it hard to self-regulate the flow at times.” I am like that too. I call myself a dilettante because I have so many interests, so many things to do that I must, so many friends and family members to be with. Blessed indeed, as are you. I love being attached to universities and schools. They are universes onto themselves. I always said I would never retire anywhere that didn’t have a college or university nearby.

    As to where I’m saying yes in my life? Hmm, got to think this over, but it is a provocative question.

  2. like it or not I am saying the most resounding YES to personal vulnerability. And thus also saying many forms of YES to moving far beyond my comfort zone in order to be my own best advocate.

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