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Giving and receiving

August 18, 2007

Yesterday when I brought the kids home from the park, we were all hot and sweaty and I was really tuckered out. I asked them to read or sit quietly for 30 minutes so I could collect myself. J (8) read quietly then asked to play a quiet computer game. J (4) read for about 5 minutes then fell asleep. She woke up about an hour and a half later, calling in her sleep, mama! mama!

I picked her up and took her to her mother’s rocking chair. She fell asleep and we sat there for another half an hour or so… rocking together. I felt such a love and tenderness in my heart I almost started crying. This last four now almost five years has been a journey to find my value and worth if I am not making money in the outside world. As I held her sweaty body close to mine and listened to her breathing get deeper and calmer, I realized that I was holding my four year old self and soothing her just as I was holding four year old J.

J enjoyed being held, but she would have likely gone back to sleep if I had just covered her up. I was the one needing the holding and tenderness and she gave it so generously. Her mother worries that with all that they are needing from people, she will lose sight of her appreciation and gratitude towards others. I hear that and respect that she worries about being needy – but my experience in her family is that are generous givers of themselves in ways that I don’t often experience.

When we were in the hospital with J (3 months) – one of the nurses called me grandma :) I don’t think I am yet worthy of that title, but I am finding that in giving the mothering and nurturing that I missed so much, I am mothering and nurturing my self.

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One comment

  1. I’m so glad you got away from your routines and enjoyed being next to a large body of water. That’s so healing.

    Just as healing is the image of you sitting in the rocking chair with the 4 year old. I’m sure the two of you were not only healing each other, but generating a healing aura that will benefit every one of us.

    Thank you for sharing your stories. And best wishes to baby J. May this child flourish!



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