Nothing can prepare a mother for this

August 2, 2007

His mother leaves the room – she cannot bear to listen to him cry. When she is alone, she will have to play this role, but for this moment, someone else can step in and share the experience.

I place my hand on his tummy and he looks at me with a puzzled look, his eyebrows deeply furrowed in concentration. Even though he is only three months old, he is already learning that people in white coats often bring unpleasant and painful surprises.

The  stick in his heel, is sudden, and I startle a bit at the sound. He immediately begins to wail. Just a few more drops, that’s right, it will be over soon, I know this really hurts. What do you say to him to calm his indignation and pain? As soon as they are done, I scoop him up in my arms and he tells me in loud cries how difficult this is. Eventually, he settles into a mantra – wah, wah and then sucking his fingers, wah, wah, then more sucking.

His mother returns and he eagerly puts his head into her neck and she holds him close. Later we take a walk around the hospital grounds – he falls asleep in the stroller and we share our fears for the future and our hopes and dreams.

Cancer is a scary word – cancer in an infant is terrifying. We are trying to let the terror go and focus on this healthy, strong, blue eyed, baby. One week ago, we were canning pickled beets and all was right with the world. One week later, the world is shifted and things will never be the same.

If you are inclined to blessings or prayers, we welcome them and receive them with deep gratitude.



  1. Many loving thoughts and healing energy is headed in your direction. So sorry you’re having to deal with the inconceivable. Take good care!!

  2. I will keep all of you in my prayers.

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