Flying with Icarus

May 12, 2007

This cold has really taken hold and settled into my chest… forcing me to *be* not *do*…

I am writing and speaking a lot in my groups – but it all seems a bit personal and raw so I haven’t felt like recycling it here. Perhaps it is just being sick that is making me feel a need to protect myself. Perhaps I am just over extended in the risks I am taking right now.

I continue to ponder my interactions with E and L.

E still seems to be about possibilities and excitement – but my projections onto E are beginning to come home to roost. E does carry this potential for me, but it is the potential I have in me that I see in him. What I want more of is the sense of humor and humility that goes along with the excitement. I can be way too serious and often feel the wax that holds my wings softening as I soar with overconfidence.

I totally misjudged L – what I saw as rules and constraints were gentle warnings of the difficulty of this path. I was feeling so confident and excited. Sure of my self and sure of the way I would breeze through these obstacles that cause others to quake in their boots. Uh oh! Flying too high and too close to the sun, I quickly chose to glide slowly back to earth before I could crash.

The hoops and obstacles L mentioned are foundational and I didn’t see it until yesterday. L could have patted me on the head and told me some of the things I don’t yet understand about this journey – but I would have smiled politely, tuned him out and ignored his trail guide. I suppose he knew that about me even in our brief meeting. Am I that transparent? Apparently!

And now I have discovered a trail guide for some of the final stages of the journey and as I work back from the end to the middle and from the beginning forward to the middle I am aware how lucky to have both L and E as trail guides.


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