December 20, 2006

A few weeks ago I had a dream where I was leading the un-nurtured child of me through the basement of a large auditorium. It was a vast space with many dead ends and wrong turns, closed doors, locked doors, and no way out. The child of me thought we were lost in the dark. It was dark and we were lost – yet I felt a deep sense of direction and confidence – as if this darkness is a place where I know every nook and cranny and the places that I don’t know are not filled with frightful secrets – but clues to my potential.

In this dream I am the guide that I longed for at the beginning of my journey to soul. In my topside life, I am becoming the guide that I longed for as I began my journey to soul.

The words of yesterday’s’ poem echo in my head… the drudgery paid off.

You take a final step and, look, suddenly

You’re there. You’ve arrived

At the one place all your drudgery was aimed for:

When he asks:

What did you want

To be? You’ll remember soon.

It brings to mind that terribly lost feeling I had after my vision quest. The fear that this immense experience would not, could not be brought out into the world.

You feel like tinder

Under a burning glass,

I remember the intense focus on my journey. The all-encompassing and disparate coming to a center, to a single point where all the sun’s rays focused on my one wild and precious life.

A luminous point of change

I didn’t know then that my ignition created a source of light for other travelers.

You’ve earned this worn-down, hard incredible sight

Called Here and Now.

Part of the peacefulness of that last week or so is this sight of the Here and Now and a remembrance and respect for the journey that brought me to this place.

So you’re standing again and breathing, beginning another

Journey without regret

Forever, being your own unpeaceable kingdom,

The end of endings.

This is where I am standing – beginning another journey, forever wandering my own unpeaceable kingdom.

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