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Warming the Stone Child

December 14, 2006

Written October 14, 2005

Your words on your relationships with your mothers touched me. I spent the last couple of years growing my own internal mother. After my father passed, the divide between me and my mother widened. I found myself mothering her and yearning for her to mother me as I mourned my loss. She retreated into a child like state and I was so in need of mothering. I read and re-read the story of Vasa Lisa and the doll her mother gave her before she died. I longed for a “perfect mother”, a too-good mother such as the one in that story.

Salmon Boy loaned me a tape:

Warming The Stone Child: Myths & Stories About Abandonment And The Unmothered Child

I was mesmerized. I listened to it in the car, in the kitchen, in bed, all the time. I played it over and over and over. I cried and rocked myself and cried some more and finally realized that I was letting Clarissa mother me through her words. She has an incredibly loving voice. Her message is strong and requires hard work and painful reflection, but it has been well worth it for me.

A few months after I started growing my internal mother, I had a nasty confrontation with someone who tried to squash me. I felt like a two year old and started to collapse inward. Instead, I heard Clarissa’s voice saying “there, there…. there, there” I went home, went outside, and gathered a few leaves and twigs, got a match and started a tiny fire. I nurtured it, blew on it, fed it, protected it and by the time my family came home, I was sitting in front of a blazing fire, bathed in the light of the setting sun. My mate took one look at me, and knew not to ask questions, he brought me a cup of tea. My son, after scanning my face could tell I had been crying, he pulled up a chair and just sat with me. After awhile he too began to feed the fire. We sat there in companionable silence. At that moment, I knew I had my internal mother, she was intact and strong and even though she was a young mother not always able to give me the mothering I needed, it was enough.

My real life mother is better now and I have stopped wishing and hoping that she will snap out of it, wake up and mother me! I have my senses attuned to mother archetypes and have allowed myself to begin to accept mothering from other women. As much as I say that is what I want, I find it very hard to receive unconditional love from a mother figure. So, that is one of about ten million things I am working through right now.

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3 comments

  1. Great feature. Interesting concept. A lot of need for it. –Q


  2. I cried when I listened to that tape, and I cried after reading your post – that’s good for spirit seeds ;o)


  3. Beautiful and touching,
    thank you for sharing!

    S.



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