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She who watches…

December 5, 2006

Who is this woman of me – who watches? She stands at a distance – arms folded – not reaching out.

  • She is the one last night who cried when she heard the child in the grocery store saying “no, Mommy, please, don’t” but did nothing.
  • She is the child who no longer could hold herself together and surrendered to forces she could not contain. Crying on the floor of a department store while her mother watched – and then walked away – distancing herself from the spectacle.
  • She is the one who cried the tears in her family of origin. She carried the grief and they watched.

I invite her onto my lap – and we rock – back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. She weeps, and keens, and wails – and still I hold her – close – not at a distance.

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