September 29, 2006

Today is a day spent thinking about the east – the place of new beginnings.

Four years is a long time to spend slogging in the underworld – and the time there was well-spent. Coming out of that experience – I of course wanted to go around the wheel to the north and think about and analyze every little bit of it!

Fortunately for me – my whole SELF – my big “S” Self knew better and thwarted me at every turn causing me great frustration and confusion and disorientation.

I am realizing now that this is where the shift is coming from – letting go of control and answers, trusting the mystery of my quest into my inner wilderness, and now at the completion of this cycle – returning to the position of zero – The Fool – but I am a wiser fool this time around the wheel.

I am grateful to a woman who is a mirror for me. She asks me questions that annoy me! She asks them in ways that seem “simple.” I find on reflection though that she nearly always has her finger on the pulse of my inner process. When I can set the irritation aside – when I can sit with the question – I often am able to write my way to an answer.

I have been telling her that I am on the cusp and that it could go either way. The cusp has significance to me because I was born on the cusp – at the tale end of spring – just before the summer – and have lived my life always on the edge of leaving and arriving at the same time. The position of the fool.

She asked me to talk about the two paths from the “west” of me. First I don’t recall saying anything about two paths – it doesn’t feel like two paths to be on the cusp. Second – I am tired of the west – my work there is done and it is taking a well deserved break. So why not just hear her and let it go? Why the annoyance and irritation?

Well…. because we have a history! She blessed me with this label after my Vision Quest:

all drama, smoke, mirrors, and mysticism

In the tradition that I am studying – the west is the place of imagery and imagination – the mystery – and the portal that leads to the descent to the underworld explorations of soul.

This is the place I am leaving – crawling out of the swamp and up onto dry land – a modern day Ichthyostega. “You too have a future on dry land!”

I began to write – from the place of Ichthyostega – the transitional creature who dared to crawl out of the sea and onto dry land. Figuring it out as I wrote. Gratitude growing with every word.

Thank you dear one of the prairie – your questions are always right and duende – even when I tell you otherwise.


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